Posts

A new perspective in grief

Typically, the beginning of a new year has always prompted in me a fresh resolve to begin or recommit to a resolution that fell by the wayside long ago; usually a casualty of the inevitable hurly burly of life and the big beautiful mess that it so often is. The turning over of a brand new calendar page will evoke in me an optimism for the year that lies ahead. I am an optimist at heart and therefore am hopeful that a new year will be a little better. Summer has naturally been a time to take stock and plan for the year ahead.  However, this year I’ve approached things very differently. The events of the past 18 months have left on me a big heart wound. Last year was filled with so much sadness and grief, one does not simply turn the page and move on as if all that was in the past has no lasting impact on the present. While the end of a year naturally brings to a conclusion some things, feelings and emotions are a little more elusive to box up. Rather than resolving to do and be someth

Losing my sister.

Where do I even begin? It has been seven weeks since my sister Esther died. It was just over a year ago when she found out she had bowel cancer. Since her shock diagnosis, it has been an emotionally intense year of watching and supporting her through the brutal demands of battling stage 4 cancer. I’ll never forget the night when she rang to tell me her news; it’s impact so visceral it changed how I looked at life and my relationship with her. I couldn’t help but think this kind of news can change the course of a families life and it was at that point I resolved to treasure and make the most of whatever time I was gifted with her. As I pen these words I weep; the grief is raw and deep and the recent memories painful. However, I want to write, I need to write. I have had essays cooped up inside of me all year, pushed down deep, mindful of not wanting to insert myself into a story not my own. For in many ways it was her story, her journey, her battle. I was just her sister; a close friend

The date night we needed to have!

Six weeks ago my husband had a new proposal for me, which at first took me quite by surprise. He sprung the question on me one evening while I was cooking dinner for the family; “Would you like to do the Marriage Course?” (Our church was offering this opportunity. The format… 7 date nights, over 7 weeks focusing on 7 areas of importance to building a healthy relationship.) My first response to this unexpected question was “Why?”; we’ve been happily married 22 years and in that time have grown a lot. We’ve worked through many challenges, raised four children, and experienced the highs and lows of married life. After 22 years we know one another really well! His response sold it to me.” Even a good marriage can do with a tune up.” We were married young, and started a family soon after. We’ve spent the majority of our marriage raising a family, and time for ourselves has been fleetingly snatched between the constant pressures of children and work. However, what was once a distant reality

Hello Again!

Where do I begin… it seems too long since I’ve put my thoughts into words and shared them with others. My last post on this platform was to announce the launch of my own website Resilient Parenting; which was a writing project I pursued until 2020. My final piece of writing was a humorous encouragement on how to survive lockdown… little was I to know at the time of writing that it would be my final post. I was suddenly swept up into a surreal world of pandemic and extended lockdowns, home schooling 4 kids (one who was doing year 12), study and pastoral care work and generally trying my hardest to keep the family happy and healthy. Since then a whole lot of life has happened. My eldest 2 have finished school and are now working, studying and driving; generally more independent! We’ve had a child move out of home and then return again. We’ve moved and bought our very first home. I’ve finished my study and my pastoral care work. I’ve had extended times of poor health, and spent a lot of t

Are you a good listener? The art of holding your tongue.

I’ve been treating myself of late to watching previous seasons of The Crown (a Netflix drama) in anticipation for the new series about to air. In one episode, the Queen was bemoaning to her mother, the fact that she felt ill-equipped to converse with the many educated people she was required to meet. She acknowledged a desire to be able to talk more intelligently about matters of science and philosophy, instead of being confined to talking about dogs and horses. Her mother’s response was to say, “You know when to keep your mouth shut; that’s more important than anything.” The conversation is then interrupted by the announcement that the Prime Minister wants to speak with her, to which her mother rudely quips, “You can smile politely while he drones on.” When it comes to talking with my own children, I confess that I find keeping my mouth shut extremely hard to do. It’s not a skill I naturally possess. For me, it requires much effort to refrain from speaking; taking more mental energy a

Emotional Equality

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Last week I attended a seminar entitled “Surviving the Rollercoaster of Adolescence”; a talk given by Chris Hudson founder of Understanding Teenagers. While I can truthfully say that I have already encountered and survived the steep climb and the initial stomach-lurching plunge of the rollercoaster that is likened to living with emotional teens, and have definitely encountered a few curves and turns that have left me breathless and white-knuckled; I believe there are a few more corkscrew loops that are yet to be travelled before I can safely say that I have survived the ride _ hence my interest in wanting to hear his thoughts. As I think about rollercoasters, I can’t help but recall our families recent trip to Movie World. A day with teenagers in a theme park is very much like living a day packed with emotion; thrills and fears, excitement and exhaustion. One extreme had me being an excitable encourager, saying things like,“Give it a go… I think you’ll find it fun! It’s not as scary

Can you Know Happiness in Hard Times?

If you were asked to describe what happiness feels like to you, how would you describe it? Is it that wonderful moment of heightened joy when everything you’re experiencing is exciting and good; when your step is light and your buoyant mood moves you to dance or sing? Or is it a more settled, peaceful feeling of contentment? When you perceive that all is good with the world and life couldn’t get much better. Whether it be momentary jubilation or a steady contentedness with yourself and others, happiness is golden. To be happy is something all of us desire. Each of us wants happiness for ourselves and for our children…and why not, the alternative is far from attractive. Yet happiness can seem an elusive thing; a destination rather than a travelling companion. Being a parent can mean we confuse our happiness with theirs. When they are happy, you are; when your relationship with them is good, then all is well. The trouble is, if your happiness is dependant on them, then the reverse is equ